I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
