Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
