Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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