atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
