I swear she didn't look like that last week.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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