Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize