my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
