I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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