Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she smelled like a LAN party
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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