His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize