I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
