I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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