just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
