I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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