wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
