sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
