I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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