Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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