and i looked up. we had an audience...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize