i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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