cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
