Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
