When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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