ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
