I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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