it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
