I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
