now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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