I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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