Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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