It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't turn off my feet"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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