Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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