omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
