PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
