New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she peed on how many people?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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