you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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