you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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