I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
