Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
