we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
