When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
