I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
