I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize