You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
