Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The uberlube is also flammable
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
