dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
