don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's blow job season.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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