I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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