I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
