No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
