Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
