I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
