Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
honey bunches of taint.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
