Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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