hotel room ftw
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
