I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
