Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize