I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
