I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm at about main and main street
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
