if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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