girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
there is glitter all over my balls
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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