dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
