my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
