Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
