i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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