Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Boobs speak an international language.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He shit in the fireplace
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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