he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
