Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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