He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The Olympian is in my bed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
